


I’m sorry

by All_for_the_andreil



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew Minyard Has Feelings, Andrew Minyard Loves Neil Josten, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, M/M, POV Andrew Minyard, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25865158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/All_for_the_andreil/pseuds/All_for_the_andreil
Summary: Andrew is having a bad day and snaps at Neil-or-The first time Andrew says “I’m sorry”
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 11
Kudos: 494





	I’m sorry

His nightmares started differently every time, but always ended the same. He wakes up abruptly with sweat running down his back and the too raw memory of the weight of another body on his, forcing him into the mattress.

He fumbles through the dark, blindly searching for his armbands and the knives hidden in there. He doesn’t sleep with the armbands on anymore, because the good days outnumber the bad ones and he isn’t scared of sharing the bed with another person. As long as the other person is Neil.

But right now none of that matters. He needs the knives. He leans over the bed to his bedside table where he knows he left them, but in the dark he can’t see and his hands collide with Neil’s sleeping figure instead.

Neil jerks awake at once, blinking at Andrew through the darkness around.

“Out,” Andrew growls at him. Technically he knows it’s just Neil. Technically he knows Neil would never hurt him. He doesn’t care. He can’t have him in his bed now.

Neil is quick to comply. It’s not the first time this happened. He climbs out of the bed and makes his way to the kitchenette. Andrew hears him putting the kettle on.

He finally grabs the armbands and yanks them on, the familiar weight of the knives calming him down a bit.

He gives himself a minute or two to breathe before following Neil.

By the time he makes it to the kitchen, Neil has already cup of mint tea waiting for him. Andrew avoids Neil’s eyes as he takes the cup.

“Go back to bed,” Andrew mumbles.

Neil studies his face for few seconds before nodding and leaving Andrew alone. He knows he’s not going to sleep anymore, so he takes the tea to the living room, slouches into one of the beanbags and wonders whether he could light a cigarette in here. Probably not. Stupid smoke detectors. He’d have to move to the window. Maybe later.

Andrew doesn’t know how much time went by, but he sees how the sky slowly turns pink, then soft orange and at last the sun rises as do his teammates.

Neil is the first to emerge from the bedroom.

“Hi,” he greets Andrew carefully. Andrew isn’t looking at him, but he can feel Neil’s critical gaze on him. “Feel like eating something?”

Food usually works. It takes the edge off at least a bit. Andrew doesn’t feel like eating anything though. He shakes his head, hoping Neil’s going to leave him alone.

Neil however doesn’t move. “Coffee?” He suggests instead.

Andrew sighs. Coffee does sound tempting. He nods.

Neil smiles. “Okay.”

Andrew hates how perfect Neil is. He hates that Neil knows precisely how to make his coffee and how to treat him on his bad days. He hates that Neil never pushes him, never forces him into anything. Oh, he hates Neil so much.

Neil returns to him with the promised coffee and Andrew frowns when he sees the tiny marshmallows on top. He doesn’t remember telling Neil he likes them, but of course Neil found out somehow.

By now Kevin and Nicky also get up, most likely driven out of the bed by the smell of coffee in the air.

Kevin spares him only one look before asking: “Are you sick?” in almost accusing tone.

Andrew glowers at him. He’s aware he must look like a wreck, but it doesn’t feel any better to be reminded of it. “Sick of you and your bullshit,” he retorts.

Kevin raises one eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. “Can you play?”

“No.”

“Andrew, the practice –”

“He said _no_ , Kevin,” Neil hisses, not letting Kevin continue.

“He can’t just do whatever he wants,” Kevin argues.

In response, Neil spits out an entire monologue in french back at him. Andrew doesn’t understand him a word, but his vicious tone is enough to shut Kevin’s mouth.

Nicky follows this entire exchange with worried expression, but after Kevin storms into the bathroom, he approaches Andrew. “Are you okay?”

Andrew closes his eyes. He doesn’t have the energy to deal with Nicky. “Fabulous.”

Nicky gives Neil a questioning look, but Neil only shakes his head and fortunately, Nicky lets it go and leaves them alone.

“Is there anything else you need?” Neil asks softly once they are alone again.

Andrew shakes his head. He wonders whether he’d be able to sleep if he crawled into Neil’s bed when everyone leaves for practice. It sounds very promising.

“Alright. I’ll see you after practice?”

Andrew hates the way Neil asks that. There’s a hidden question in that that only Andrew hears. _Do you want me to stay?_

“Go. I’ll be fine.”

Neil gives him one last smile and if Andrew wasn’t so exhausted, he would roll his eyes at him.

When Neil comes back, he finds Andrew has moved to bed. Neil’s bed actually and now is sitting propped against the wall, staring out of the window with unfocused look on his face. He snaps back into reality when Neil walks in.

“I brought you the croissants you like,” Neil mentions.

Andrew frowns. How did he manage to end up with someone as perfect as Neil? It drove Andrew crazy. He never admit it out loud to Neil but he was terrified of how well he understood him. He was terrified what’s going to happen when Neil decides to leave him. And Andrew knew that’s going to come. Neil couldn’t stay with him forever. Andrew didn’t deserve to keep him.

The mere thought of losing Neil made him want to scream. He wanted to bury his head in the sheets and never face Neil again. Better losing him now then in the future.

“Are you going to your classes?” Neil continues.

Andrew doesn’t know. His thoughts are elsewhere. He shrugs.

Neil sighs. “Maybe you should call Bee,” he suggests slowly.

Andrew glowers at him. “Jesus, Neil, could you just leave me alone?!” He snaps.

He doesn’t know where the anger came from but it certainly wasn’t meant to be directed towards Neil. Too late for that now.

It’s the first time Andrew raised his voice at Neil. He was always impassive, never mad.

Neil was used to his apathy but not to the anger. His eyes widen with surprise and he takes a step back from Andrew, looking bit like a deer in headlights. But what horrifies Andrew the most is the look on Neil’s face. This is the first time Neil looks _scared of him_.

“I… Yeah. I’m sorry… I’ll just go,” Neil stutters and leaves the room as quickly as possible.

Andrew exhales, all the anger gone. The only thing he feels is hatred. But not towards Neil. Towards himself.

Few painful hours later Andrew hears someone opening the door to their dorm and when he glances at the clock, he knows it must be Neil. Not that he memorized his schedule or anything.

He isn’t feeling any better than he was in the morning, but he knows he can’t take not talking to Neil any longer, so he forces his body to move out of the bed, untangles his limbs from the sheets and walks out of the bedroom.

He finds Neil in the living room, sitting on the couch, fumbling through one of his notebooks, too focused on whatever he’s doing to hear Andrew’s quiet steps.

“Neil?”

Neil looks up, startled, but when he realizes it’s just Andrew, he relaxes. “Oh, hi.”

Andrew doesn’t understand why is Neil not terrified of him. Why is he completely calm in his presence, when he yelled at Neil not only four hours ago.

Andrew doesn’t believe in regret. He thinks it’s pointless emotion to feel. But he can’t describe why else is his chest suddenly too tight and it hurts to even look at Neil. He doesn’t usually feel remorseful, but right now, the only thing he manages to say is: “I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

Neil blinks. “You were in a bad mood.”

Andrew stares at him. Neil isn’t mad at him? He isn’t scared of him? He’s… defending him? “That’s not an excuse.”

“It was nothing, Drew.”

“It wasn’t nothing,” Andrew says firmly. He knows Neil is letting him get away with lot of stuff, but he’s not letting him do this. “It’s not going to happen again, okay?”

Neil smiles weakly. “Okay.”

Andrew takes a shaky breath. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly.

Neil scrambles up on his feet and steps to Andrew. Not close enough to make him feel crowded. He doesn’t reach for him, keeping his distance, for which Andrew’s glad. He just looks at him, with his big blue eyes. “And I forgive you,” he assures Andrew calmly.

Andrew glares at him. “One fucking thousand,” he mumbles before turning around and going back to the bedroom.

He can hear Neil chuckling behind him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading ❤️


End file.
